We cannot put into words how much we appreciate every single person that has stood with us through this journey to adopt Heidi Grace—for those that have written reference letters for our adoption application, sent letters on our behalf to grant organizations, financially given towards our adoption, prayed for our family or just listened to us during some of the frustrating times of waiting. We have been truly overwhelmed and humbled by the outpouring of love and support given to us throughout this adventure. Some of you have shared our story on Facebook or through word of mouth and friends of friends that we have never met and do not know have contacted us wanting to help by buying t-shirts or button bracelets—sharing how adoption has touched their lives in some way or another. We have been blessed beyond measure!
We received Travel Approval from China back on October 10th and have been busy getting all our last minute things done ever since. We leave in exactly ONE week for China! I have all kinds of lists all over the house right now—“to do lists”, “packing lists”, “last minute pick up these things lists”—many with post it lists all over them too.
This is our latest updated picture of Heidi Grace. We will meet her for the very first time on November 9th!
We are overjoyed at God’s grace, but we also realize this will be a season of adjustment for our family. We know that each of you reading this has– in some way– supported, loved and prayed for us. Because we know your care for Heidi Grace and our family, we want to share with you some information that we hope will best equip everyone around her to assist us in laying the strongest and healthiest foundation – emotionally, physically and spiritually.
Children who come home through adoption have experienced interruptions in this typical attachment process. The loss of a biological mother and father at an early age can be a major trauma on their little hearts. Heidi Grace has experienced the loss of familiar and comforting caretakers as well as the sights, smells, and language of her birth country. When Heidi Grace comes home, she will very likely be overwhelmed. Everything around her will be new and she will need to learn not just about her new environment, but also about love and family. She has not experienced God’s design for a family having lived in an orphanage & foster care setting. Her world is turned upside down. She may struggle with feeling safe and secure and she may lack the ability to trust that we will meet her needs. The good news is that we can now, as Heidi Grace’s parents and forever family, rebuild attachment and help her heal from these emotional wounds.
The best way for us to form a parent/child bond is to be the ones to hold, snuggle, instruct, soothe and feed her. As this repeats between us, she will be able to learn that Mom and Dad are safe to trust and to love deeply. We are, essentially, recreating the newborn/parent connection. Once Heidi Grace starts to establish this important bond, she will then be able to branch out to other, healthy relationships. Heidi Grace will have, what may seem like, a lot of structure, boundaries and close proximity to us. Although it may appear that we are spoiling her at times, we have been advised that it is best that we meet every need quickly and consistently. She may show her grief and confusion in many ways, and we are prepared to help her through it and prove that we are a forever family. You may also notice us tighten our circle a bit, stay close to home, and we may seem a little less available socially, for a while. Please know that these decisions are prayerfully and thoughtfully made choices based on our personal research and instruction from trusted adoption educators and mentors. We will be doing what we believe is best to help her heal from those interruptions in attachment as effectively as possible.
Why are we telling you all of this? Because you will actually play an awesome and vital role in helping Heidi Grace settle in, heal, and lay a foundation for the future. There are a few areas in which you can help us:
The first is to set physical boundaries. We cannot WAIT to see some of you when we arrive home!!! Keep in mind... It is imperative adults limit what is typically considered normal, physical contact with Heidi Grace. This will (for a while) include things like holding, hugging and kissing. Children from orphanage and foster care settings are prone to attach too easily to anyone and everyone – which hinders the important, primary relationship with parents. Waving, blowing kisses or high fives are perfectly appropriate and very welcomed! Heidi Grace should know that the people with whom she interacts are our trusted family and friends. She is going to love each and every one of you!!!
Another area is redirecting Heidi Grace’s desire to have her physical and emotional needs met by anyone (including strangers) to having Mommy & Daddy meet those needs. Orphans often have so many caretakers that they, as a survival mechanism, become overly charming toward all adults. A child struggling to learn to attach may exhibit indiscriminate affection with people outside of their family unit. It may appear harmless and as if they are “very friendly” but this is actually something that isn’t good for the child. To share this is difficult for us because many of you have openly loved on our other child and we have loved on yours as well, and treasure that connection. Please understand that we want nothing more than to have Heidi Grace hugged, cuddled and cherished by ALL of you. But until she has a firm understanding of family and primary attachments, we would be so grateful if you direct her to us if you see that she is seeking out food, affection or comfort. And, always feel free to ask us any questions along the way!
As long as we have internet connection I will try to provide updates while in China, and I may or may not be able to use iMessage to text some of you back and forth. For texting, I have downloaded “We Chat” so if you want to be able to communicate with us while we are gone you can download that app (it’s free) and find me on it or message me through Facebook.
